Robert Hodson, famous for his job as the 'modern day Robin Hood' has expressed his concerns about his job publicly, and for the first time.
'I took this job for noble reasons,' he said, 'I was attracted to the idea of robbing from the rich and giving to the poor. It appealed to my socialist ideals. I didn't really care for the salary, or the living conditions. For me it was all about a communist ideal, good friends, and outdoor living.'
However, after time doubts started to emerge, 'I started to realise that maybe I was being naive,' said Mr Hodson, 'the rich weren't always the wealthy capitalist oppressors that I thought they would be. And the poor were hardly the paragons of virtue. They started giving me shopping lists, like plasma televisions, Kappa tracksuits and Nike trainers. I would be particularly annoyed when they would waste a large portion of the money I gave them on drunken, violent nights out in the city centre.'
Mr Hodson's views of the wealthy also changed during his employment, 'I grew to learn that most of them were doing highly stressed, highly responsible jobs, and that much of their income was being spent on their day-to-day living. They had mortgages, families and other financial commitments. On top of that, they were mostly well-educated and interesting to talk to. I began to feel guilty for my crimes against them.'
A further irritation was the constant struggle with the Sheriff of Nottingham. 'Very few people realise that the Sheriff of Nottingham is bound by strict legal duties relating to local government officials,' said Mr Hodson, 'He can't just ignore me, for fear of legal action against him personally. There has traditionally been a perception of him as a one-dimensional baddie. However, during my time working with him I have nothing but respect for him. He is only doing his job and, frankly, my position just makes it harder for him. Have you ever considered how difficult it is to manage the affairs of Nottinghamshire, with all its problems? I'm sure that he could do without people like me.'
A final nail in the coffin for Mr Hodson was the realisation that he was really campaigning for a return to a feudal monarchy, 'The traditional role of Robin Hood has been as a sort of well-meaning terrorist who protects this country while the monarch wages an aggressive foreign policy against the Islamic World. I'm afraid I have difficulties with that role to begin with, but I have particular concerns about the faith that I am contractually obliged to have in the return of the warring monarch. I take the view that social revolutions have shaped our political processes, I am very much a Marxist historian, and I cannot in good conscience support a return to Feudalism.'
Even the traditional perk of the job, the relationship with Maid Marian, fell short of expectations. 'Have you ever tried finding a Maid in Nottingham?' said Mr Hodson, 'they tried their best, and I suppose it does meet their contractual obligations, but I am disappointed. I mean, she's a nice enough girl, but we don't really have the same interests. She is more concerned about shoes, handbags and Friday nights, and doesn't really take an interest in my ideas on political philosophy. Also, she has, for some unknown reason, chosen to exercise the 'chastity' clause in her contract, at least with me.'
Mr Hodson's words came as a shock and surprise to his employers. 'We will be looking at his contract carefully,' they said, 'and will be asking him to consider his position.