The General Synod of the Church of England has today decided to delay the final vote on whether or not it is indecisive, so that a late amendment to the legislation could be further considered.
The amendment in question states that, in the unlikely event that the Church were to make a decision, parishes that did not agree with it could request to be placed in the care of clergy who shared their views.
One eminent member of the clergy, who could not decide whether or not he wanted to be named, said: “This amendment has been described as indecisive in itself, but I’m not sure about that.”
The vote will now in all likelihood take place at a special session of the Synod in November, but this is not yet confirmed.
“The fate of the amendment is uncertain,” said our spokesman. “But I think the Church showed great decisiveness today. The decision not to make a decision yet is very bold.
“We need to be inclusive of all our members. To do this, we need to take into account as many different views as possible. If this means delaying a final decision and propagating the status quo for as long as is humanly possible, then I firmly believe that this is the best thing to do. I also pray that God will help us not to make the final decision for even longer than is humanly possible.”
Critics, however, have said that the Church’s views on decisions are outdated and irrelevant to modern society. “The amendment only encourages indecision in the very legislation that is supposed to clear up the matter,” said one journalist. “Even if the Church does make a decision, this amendment means that members who don’t agree with it will not need to abide by it, rendering the whole decision pointless.
“This is precisely what we have come to expect from the Church of England,” he continued. “I doubt they could even decide whether it would be morally right to organize a piss-up in a brewery. They haven’t even totally decided whether God exists yet.”