A week after being discovered the Higgs Boson has failed to improve anyone’s life in any way whatsoever.
Devastated scientists at CERN have admitted they got a bit carried away with the discovery and say that a mere one week later the particle has ‘pretty much done fuck all.’
Initial predictions that scientists would achieve omnipresence have proved to be well wide of the mark.
‘It seems inevitable now that the particle will now be officially classified as useless’ said a spokesman. ‘This means it will be booed and jeered at any future scientific conferences. Give me Velcro any day.’
It had been hoped the boson would at least produce some small advances in non-stick cookery but even this has proved well beyond its reach.
‘The Higgs Boson can ‘apparently’ produce the Big Bang’ sneered another scientist, ‘but can’t even make doing the washing-up a bit easier. That particle is dead to me.’