Newsbiscuit contributor, Duff, is said to be gutted at Andy Murray's four set defeat at Wimbledon earlier today.
Speaking to anyone prepared to listen he said, "Well undoubtedly this does allow us all to use "The Joke" for at least one more year here on NB but in all honesty, and in preparation for Murray's victory today, I had already drafted a story that flipped "The Joke" on its head and was a bit of a cracker in my humble opinion. But now it's completely bloody useless. I don't know how Murray could've done this to me."
And for those that can be arsed to read Duff's redundant copy it's posted below.
Medical History Made As Surgeons Perform First Successful Irreversible Brit-change.
Surgeons at University College Hospital London are today celebrating medical history having been made as news emerges of the first successful and irreversible Brit-change operation.
It’s understood that the procedure has been carried out on a 25 year-old Scot from Dunblane and who is believed to be a tennis player. The man has undergone many false starts over recent years, but during the past two weeks has been responding favourably to the pre-op hype, and today at 2 O’clock his medical team felt that it was now time to finalise the process.
During a gruelling four hour procedure the man is said to have been nearly ‘lost’ on several occasions, but hung in and came through in the end. It will now be physically impossible for him to be referred to as Scottish ever again by London-centric broadcasters and press, and even now the BBC engraver is etching his name on the Sports Personality of the Year trophy.
Dr Neville Marlowe, the UCL team’s senior surgeon told the press, “Obviously this is an amazing time for the team and marks the end of a process that stretches back to the 60s. At that time Scottish actor Sean Connery was to be the subject of the first Brit-change following his global success in the James Bond films. Unfortunately his body rejected several preliminary attempts to assimilate him and the final straw came when he openly embraced Scottish nationalism, thus making any further work completely impossible.”