about the annual Newsbiscuit party,its free, its tommorow,starts a 12pm,and this year its in Highgate cemetery.I hope theres a big turnout tommorow like last year in Regents park.We want to see you all again,yes even you,the music is live weve managed to get Chass and Dave and Captain Beefheart,and becouse thers a bouncey castle and as it was so popular last year we have a Orgasmatron machine,only this ones bigger.As always its fancy dress,and this years theme is giant shoes,anyone not coming as a sandle or a boot wont be allowed in Im afraid maybe next year.A priest will be on hand all day in the old cobblers tent incase of emergancys,he is fully qualified at first aid and saving soles.Lsd is free again this year to,and free haircuts for ping pong balls,remember this is a peacefull gathering,no kicking off,anyone found kicking other shoes will be made to wear a slipper for the rest of the day,and might have his membership of Newsbiscuit revoked.If by anychance you see a fellow shoe in distress or you get stuck inside your shoe,please ring 084776435 and a shoe horn will be dispatched,at the sound of the shoe horn,the man who is dressed as a flag will wave to to priest he in turn will phone the emergancy services.Also after last years mass fight amoungst hats,we have brought in security,these are 6 pairs of heavey boots,do not be afraid if you are approached by a heavey boot who asks to see inside your shoe,hes just doing his job,and want to make sure you havnt sold your sole.If you feel sexualy attracted to another shoe,please use th shoe boxes provided,these you will find located at the Karl Marxs brothers end of the cenmetery,please also remember to wear a sock,this isnt the sixties after all.To prevent accidents please do not run and jump in your shoe,and if you have come as a winkle picker,please have respect for others and do not pick your winkle where others might see you,do it in the Orgasmatron,or wait till you get home.If you see any shoe acting suspisously around other shoes,maybe a brogue eyeing up a tired hush puppie for instance,call 5889967829 for boot security immediately.If you have suspitions a shabby shoe isnt who he claims to be,or a he trys to intice you into the Orgasmatron call for boot back up,this could be Joanbloggs.But above all treat each shoe you meet with respect,do not disciminate between shoe colour,or laugh at someone who looks like a platform shoe,he or she may be disabled.Thank you,and Ill see you tommorow.
Just to remind everyone
(3 posts) (3 voices)
The misspelling of Chas and Dave makes me doubt whether this is genuine.
Anyone else tried calling Boot security or the emergency shoe-horn dispatch number?
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