Friends of tennis fan, Cliff Richard, revealed the star was in tears last night after desperate Wimbledon officials were forced to hijack his traditional VIP box seats.
Sir Cliff, has lost his complimentary VIP Centre Court tickets for Friday's sell-out semi-final between Andy Murray and Jo-Wilfried Tsonga. Worse still, should Murray prevail, Cliff will also lose his seats for Sunday's coveted Wimbledon Men's final.
“We had no choice," claimed Major Clive 'Buck' Fosdyke, 74 year old Head of Royal Box Seat Allocations & Acquisitions. “Immediately Murray won through to the semi-finals, a Buckingham Palace official texted me a list of who will be in attendance on Friday.”
"Not only will the Duchess of Cambridge be honouring us once again. Along with her sister Pippa and husband Prince William. But they are to be joined by Mr Michael Middleton and his wife Carole, Catherine's brother, James Middleton (on sabbatical from his cake-making emporium), her auntie Jean and Uncle Harold, her cousins Cyril and Norman, and her twelve year old twin nieces, Sophie and Francesca. Alongside Michael Middleton's estranged sister Clarissa O'Shea nee Middleton accompanied by her friend Mrs Ambrosia Phillips and her daughter Marigold Middleton-O'Shea.”
“Plus, of course, we are expecting Camilla Duchess of Cornwall who is a huge tennis fan and a close friend of Carole Middleton. And obviously the Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice who traditionally spend their summers watching tennis but have also developed close ties to Pippa Middleton. Alongside Prince Harry who gets along famously with all the Middletons and has requested the afternoon off as part of his RAF five week annual holiday allowance.”
Major Fosdyke then detailed other sensitive repercussions arising from the sudden explosion of Royal Family and Middleton interest in the game of tennis.
“For years the Royals have largely left us alone. Allowing us the freedom to invite a succession of popular VIPs and celebrities to grace Wimbledon's Royal Box with their presence,” he explained.
“Luminaries such as as Mr Alan Titchmarsh, Sir Bruce and Lady Forsyth, Sir Rolf Harris and his charming wife Alwyn, Mr Elton John and his partner Mr David Furnish. Along with Mr and Mrs Roman Abramovich and other close friends of Wimbledon from such far away places as Kazakhstan and the United Arab Emirates. Not to forget our special friends from across the Atlantic, such as Will-i-am who was with us earlier in the week. And other leading Americans similar to Will-i-am who have done so much for British tennis. Like Mr and Mrs Jay-Z and Ms Chelsea Clinton. Not to mention, last but not least, the great Sir Cliff Richard who has always proved the staunchest of all our VIP friends.”
“Sadly we no longer have space for any of them,” he added.
“But not to worry.”
Major Fosdyke then made an announcement.
“Immediately following this year's tournament the Committee has decided to convert Henman Hill into an indoor Celebrity Royal Box. For the exclusive use of all our VIP friends.”
“Featuring our second £35m sliding roof, this new Henman Hill Spa will incorporate a brand new wide angle 3D television screen. A Michelin star restaurant, fully equipped gymnasium and sauna, indoor heated swimming pool, complimentary hairdressing and waxing, roof garden with cigar-smoking annexe, champagne bar, underground car-park, dedicated heliport and much else.”
“We look forward to welcoming everyone back in 2013.”