After missing his first appointment at Jobcentre the newly unemployed Bob Diamond has been ordered to complete 2 weeks work assistance at his local Poundland.
Diamond has objected strongly to the order and said it amounts to forced labour – which ordinarily he’s been well in favour of in the past so long as it’s not his labour that's being forced.
‘I don’t mind doing an honest days work, ‘said Diamond, ‘In fact when I did my last one back in 1993 I quite enjoyed it. What I object to is doing any form of work without getting an obscene amount of remuneration and a million odd Poundland shares in return.’
His privileged, obnoxious, spoilt-brat offspring Nell – imaginatively pursuing a career with a leading Wall Street bank - loyally tweeted her support for Dad.
‘Jobcentre can HMD and SMCk, as well as GAGF’d. Poundland doesn’t deserve someone as godlike and amazing as my Daddykins Bob Diamond #defonotacriminal’
A Jobcentre spokesman was unrepentant and said ‘if Mr Diamond wants his £65 a week jobseekers allowance and his £17,000 a week accommodation allowance he’s going to have to swap it for his dignity like every other poor jobless sap in Britain.’