Rumors have been swirling all week about the reasons behind the Katie Holmes-Tom Cruise divorce. In an exclusive interview, Holmes tells us the truth in her own words:
I was horrified when I learned the truth about Tom. You see, he's one hundred percent heterosexual! I know, I didn't believe it myself. All these years the public has been fooled. There's a dark Scientology plot to convince the world Tom Cruise is gay, and by coming forward like these I fear my life may be in danger.
You see, all my life I never really liked sex all that much. I am a good girl, and the thought of any kind of sex is absolutely horrifying to me. I guess it's some kind of weird hangup, but that kind of thing is typical in Hollywood. There's probably less sex there than any other town you can think of. For years I dreamed of marriage to a gay man, so that I could stay home at night watching TV while my husband hung out in gay bars, dancing to bad techno music. It's the all-American dream I guess. The country if full of girls who dream of someday having a sham Hollywood marriage.
Imagine my horror on our wedding night. I expected to lie in bed alone and be completely neglected. Instead, guess what happened. Sex, sex and more sex! All-out, nonstop heterosexual sex, all night long! I couldn't walk for a week! The man is an animal! A testosterone-maddened, heterosexual, all-male animal! I'm telling you, ladies, stay away from this lusty fiend. And lock up your daughters, for God's sake. All those years, how I longed for separate bedrooms. But it was not to be.
His previous wives and girlfriends have all had the same terrible experience. Mimi Rogers was so scarred by Tom and his uncontrollable heterosexuality that she ran away to the East and became a nun. She hasn't made a movie since 1989. If only I had known all this.
Tom is very concerned about being hip and up to date. He's very concerned about currying the favor of the gay community. He's done everything in his power to present a gay façade. He's pranced about in his underwear, he's been seen in the company of John Travolta, he's appeared in a musical, he's paid tabloids to print false stories. You may remember the gay porn star hustler who made a splash in the media by filing a lawsuit claiming he was Tom's former lover? The whole thing was a total con. Tom paid the gay a half a million dollars to say that stuff and then go away. After that the guy just disappeared and we never heard any more about it.
He's very Machiavellian. A pure evil schemer. You see, he has a plan. He makes movies straight people like. Mission Impossible movies, Top Gun, straight guys love those movies. But he's got the gay community hoodwinked into thinking he's one of them. So he's got pretty much everybody on his side. I'm telling you, it's scary. If his plan works, pretty soon we'll be Scientologists. And we'll all be pretending to be gay. But it'll be a lie. A lie! And you fools think he's gay. How wrong you are.
At this point Ms. Holmes began sobbing uncontrollably and ran away.