Tens of thousands of primary school children in England are missing their SAT's tests as head teachers in hundreds of schools are staging a boycott. The initial reasons given for this were that teachers were generally of the opinion that just testing the children on maths and english was encouraging a 'teach to the test mentatlity' squeezing out other subjects from the curriculum.
The real reasons for the boycott were made apparent tonight as minutes leeked from a secret meeting of the National Association of Head Teachers revealed that the boycott was just a big red herring to mask the fact that the teachers simply weren't clever enough to teach the subjects in the first place.
Class five teacher Joan Peacock from Poole in Dorset was recorded as saying ' what do these SAT people think we're capable of. I've only just weaned my lot off watching in the night garden and fireman sam and now they're expecting me to teach them stuff like spelling and arithmetic. I'm just not used to this heavy serious educating sort of stuff'.
Nine to ten year old teacher Denise Tuttle from Bromsgrove furthered the arguement by adding ' you ask me to teach my kids how to count how many beads are on Cinderella's necklace on her wedding day to Prince Charming then i'm your women but ask me to teach them Logarithms and Pythagorus's theorem then I am most definately not. I mean who do they think I am, Stephen bloody Hawkings'.
The real victims in all of this are the children but the teachers are strongly dening this by saying they are the real victims as Miss Tuttle finished her tirade by saying ' I only got into teaching on the back of a vague degree in media studies so how do they expect me to educate children with real subjects like maths or english'.
As a footnote to this story, Stephen Hawkings was asked to comment on all of this but having given a very comprehensive explanation of pythagorus's theorem and logerithms he was clueless in knowing how many beads Cinderella's wedding necklace had.