From the office of Cabinet Member for Pork products, Eric Pickles, Lily (his fragrant personal assistant) let slip that the photogenic duo Camclegg have intensely personal artistic ambitions.
"That Turner Prize," said Lily over a port & lemon in The Star and Garter. "It's just smut really, is it?"
Having won the election, Nick'n'Dave now have the dosh-heavy arts prize in their sights. Their latest artistic rendering "We never said it would be an easy ride" is heavily influenced by the seminal artistry of Gilbert O'Sullivan and Boy George.
(CHECK THIS, WOULD YOU? ED.)
"They're also writing a book," whispered Lily, her eyes glistening.
(ARE YOU SURE? ED.)
(Yes, her eyes were definitely glistening.)
It's been touted around various publishers including Faker & Faker.
"It's going to be a stirring memoir of triumph over adversity. Proof that it doesn't matter what unlucky hand life deals you: where there's a will - and a large inheritance - there's a way," said an unconfirmed source who knows both Cam and Clegg intimately.
(WHEN YOU SAY INTIMATELY ...? ED.)
Already, several disgruntled poets, novelists and Martin Amis are muttering that the Booker, T.S.Eliot, Forward and Costa Prizes have been 'stitched up'.
Remember you heard it here first!