In what has been hailed as an important step towards more accurate forecasting BBC weather presenters will from next week be able to use swear words during their broadcasts. BBC South East's Tomasz Schafernaker, who spearheaded the pro-swearing movement among Britain's weathermen and women some years ago by incorporating obscene hand gestures into his forecasts, explained the reasoning behind the unexpected move,
'A typical forecast might begin with me saying something along the lines of "tomorrow will start off fairly overcast with a 40% chance of sharp showers developing in the afternoon. You might want to carry a brolly." Fairly vague I think you'll agree.'
Mr. Schafernaker, whose name somewhat aptly means 'shave your knackers' in his native Polish, continued enthusiastically,
'Under the new rules I will be able to tell viewers, "tomorrow will begin shittily and become much shittier as the day progresses." That's far more helpful for anyone mental enough to be planning a barbecue.'
'And it will work for any given day.'
He went on to demonstrate how the same simple technique works just as well when making long range weather predictions,
'I can tell you right now with 100% certainty that next summer will be a complete load of bollocks. Sorry about that.'