In the wake of the phone hacking scandal Rupert Murdoch is said to have grown tired of existence and is planning an earth shattering announcement; that he plans on shattering the earth.
‘The UK government took all the happiness out of life for him,’ claimed an aid. ‘He used to take such child-like glee in destroying lives. You could hear him for hours, cackling away to himself. Now he can barely raise a smile when we tell how we can make Ed Miliband look like Nazi warrior princess.’
Murdoch took residence in his moon lair earlier today. At the moment he is in the final stages of charging his death ray. An emergency meeting of world leaders was called to discuss how best to stop him without raising his ire at the next election. ‘Rupert Murdoch is a great man and a personal friend,’ said David Cameron. ‘But, if it is at all convenient to him, I would much prefer if he allowed life on earth to continue.’