“It’s what anyone would do” said Barclays CEO Bob Diamond after leaping in front of a rubbish truck to save six kittens discarded in a bin. “It was lucky I was out there sorting my recycling as one second later those cute, lovable kittens would have been tipped into the truck. Muffy, Tiddles, Princess, Fluffy, Ginger, and Chloe would have been purring no longer.”
Eyewitness Barclays deputy CEO Mark Parsons said Diamond put his life on the line with the heroic rescue, but it was his follow up actions that showed his true compassion: “Straight after rescuing them, Bob took the kittens down to the children’s cancer ward at the local hospital. To see the delight on the kid’s faces as they played with Muffy, Tiddles, Princess, Fluffy, Ginger, and Chloe was heart-warming, and their parents were enthralled too as Bob tipped them into the two Barclays investment funds without toxic assets.”
The rescue capped an amazing few days for Diamond. While out sailing with disabled children on Sunday, he reportedly showed quick reactions in averting a giant oil slick by sticking his arm in a hole in a stricken oil tanker and using his other arm to save two dolphins trapped in plastic bags.
“It could have been worse than that catastrophic BP spill in the Gulf but Bob plugged the leak for six hours” said sailing companion and Barclays marketing director Andy Brent. “And he kept the kids entertained and educated at the same time with some maths games – they now know that two plus two doesn’t have to equal four – it can be any number you choose!”
News of Mr Diamond’s exploits has led to his popularity soaring with 98% of people surveyed agreeing that a statue in his honour should be erected in the City of London, though, surprisingly, 100% suggested that Diamond be bronzed “in situ”.