Bob Diamond (Geezer) is tonight under extreme pressure to step down from his position as Barclays Chief Executive, following the financial giant having been found guilty of yet another noses-in-the-trough shameful irregularity. This time the manipulation of the London Interbank Offered Rate (SCAM), in a cynical and sickening attempt to ensure that it continued to make loads of money at the expense of the beleaguered man in the street.
Speaking tonight a senior Barclays figure who wished to remain anonymous said, "Well of course this is a very complicated matter and one that the man in the street cannot possibly begin to be capable of understanding. And quite frankly why should he be? Tricky issues like Inter-bank interest rates (RIPOFFS) are simply something that with his very limited level of intelligence, the man in the street should leave to clever people like me who have been used to phenomenal wealth and feathering our nests all our working lives, and who will of course sort all that kind of thing out for him. Ensuring that he gets the best deal without having to concern himself in any way whatsoever. Oh yeah, you can certainly stand on me in that respect John, my son. Sorted!"
And in an unprecedented, and some argue an almost philanthropic gesture, Diamond and fellow Barclays executives have agreed to waive their bonuses for this year, opting instead to have any additional money that they can somehow manage to skim off, paid by way of the old fashioned pre-Big Bang method of brown paper envelope transfers left in rain-swept deserted car parks at 3.00am in the morngig. Or else failing that being a feasibility, then it's understood that they will have it signed over as a dodgy portfolio of shares, bonds and trusts to their spouses and or partners in barely legal, tawdry, vomit-inducing and shameful fiddles.