The Queen and Martin McGuinness shook hands today, with onlookers suspecting the pair may have spent some time practising the complex routine.
The greeting began with the traditional “palm to palm” technique, as might be seen at the commencement of a job interview or upon receipt of a swimming certificate, but after one firm shake the pair dropped their wrists simultaneously to adopt the much cooler “grip the thumb” shake, as favoured by footballers and the unemployable.
On cue, both hands then slid back into a perfect “fingertip grip” which then morphed effortlessly into a “fist bump”, as employed by cricketers and Obamas.
An expert said “There’s a risk when people from different cultures meet that one might be expecting the traditional power-shake, only to be confronted by something off the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. But these two are professionals and today that showed.”
The only moment of controversy came immediately after the fistbump, when McGuinness improvised a pistol with his fingers and mimed a pot-shot at The Queen, however Her Majesty laughed off the incident saying “I’ve spent years with this little shit pointing his imaginary guns at me so I’m used to it by now. And besides, I’ve got fifty soldiers ready and very willing to blow his cheeky little face off with large rifles.
“Oi! McGuinness! Who’s Queen, bitch?”