It’s been confirmed this summer’s traditional week of rioting WILL go ahead despite the real possibility of a national ‘feelgood’ factor provided by the Olympics.
Blackberry Messenger Organisers say planning and preparations are well-advanced and thousands of disaffected morons are ready to turn East London into a colourful spectacular of burning, fighting and looting.
It had been feared the Olympics might disrupt the general feelings of hopelessness and despair felt by millions but organisers say the expensive bloated spectacle of corporate greed has actually given the ever-popular riot season a big boost.
One organiser said ‘we hope young people really get into the spirit of what the riots are all about – looting off-licenses, JD Sports and Currys PC Worlds.’
‘We hope to leave a real legacy of misery and destruction for the community and hope the whole world will see just what an absolute shithole Britain is, and how much we don’t have to offer.’
The opening ceremony is a tightly kept secret however leaked plans suggest it will involve a drunken mob of thousands, a burnt-out police station and some nice sheep in a paddock.
And following heavy criticism over last year’s coverage of the riots for being far too expert and serious, this year the BBC has promised to ‘loosen its trousers considerably’.
A BBC spokesman said ‘we’ve taken the criticism on board. Our viewers don’t want a whole lot of social comment and history to spoil the fun. This year they can expect a lot more Fearne Cotton interviews, Fearne Cotton being mugged, and Fearne Cotton being chased down the street by knife-wielding thugs. We think that’s what our viewers want to see.’