Margaret Thatcher now lacks the strength of punch to render any meaningful damage to the face of a miner, according to a recent statement from her daughter Carol.
The health of Baroness Thatcher has been in decline for a number of years but until now she refused to let this stand in the way of her duties, vowing she would continue with her usual routine for as long as possible. It was revealed that the former PM’s day usually begins with a ceremonial striking, with the Iron Lady “favouring an uppercut to the chin of a miner to start the day”. But as her health has faltered, this once proud tradition has become nothing more than a symbolic gesture, with one strikee admitting he later relied on boot polish beneath the eye to give a suggestion of bruising.
Having found herself impotent against miners, Thatcher has resorted to punching nurses instead, admitting that they “go down like a sack of shit and generally complain less”. However Nicola Marshall, the latest nurse summoned to a striking, admitted she was caught off-guard by Thatcher’s frailty and, not wanting to upset the 87 year old, resorted to squirting onion juice in her own eye to give “the impressions of tears.”
“I don’t know why I bothered though” she said afterwards. “She has absolutely no idea what tears are”.