Olympic brand managers were again accused of "overkill" yesterday, following the dawn arrest of three men described by police as "a fireman with a massive pole, a javelin-wielding native American chief , and a US marine with a discus strapped to his cock", on suspicion of using the trademarked words "Olympic", "Village" and "People".
'I have no objection to the concept of a gay Olympic cowboy' declared Lord Coe, 'as long as it's the official London 2012 Gay Olympic Cowboy, sponsored by Haliburton, with functioning taser cow poke. Stella McCartney spent ages designing costumes for the official games gay icons, including a Swarovski-studded hard hat, and we are not prepared to have our professionalism compromised by a bunch of semi-amateur male strippers from Croydon. '
The seventies tribute act is not the first to fall foul of Olympic brand assertion special forces, although it is thought to be the first time armed police have been used in a raid. All Saints Primary School Hackney had its sports assembly interrupted by masked officers when the candles were lit on the London 2012 cake, but they only carries stun grenades.
'Will Coe never learn?' said a spokesman for civil liberties group Liberty. 'You cannot sue the Pope as God's representative on earth when the face of Wenlock the mascot appears on a piece of toast. And you cannot serve a writ against the planet Saturn for having "rings that look a bit olympicy when viewed from Andromeda'.
The leader of the all-male song and dance troop was unrepentant. 'We only did it for a laugh' he said. 'I hope the organisers of Wimbledon are a bit more relaxed, or our womble-fisting tennis theme night is a-goner. I've spent months perfecting my Uncle Bulgaria reach-around'.