Track and field sports are about as nationally relevant as the original Karate Kid film, England suddenly realised yesterday.
As another GBP1,000,000 was transferred to the bank account of the highest ranking art fart in order to create more papier mache cows, it immediately dawned on England that it knew as much about current athletics stars as it did about papier mache cows.
"I pretend to like football once every two years, which always proves exhausting", said William Hobbs, an accountant from Leicester, "are you seriously telling me that I have to be interested in people running around grunting and chucking stuff? P*ss off!"
The wain of interest in athletics in recent years has been linked to the fact that Linford Christie isn't involved any more, and that he had visible water-melon balls and a c*ck like an arm, but the athletics, whether popular or not, has left people confused.
"Didn't Karl Lewis win last year? Was he the one with the 'lunch box'?" asked Jeanette Walis, of Stratford East.
"Well I wouldn't mind seeing him again!"
It is thought that England are going to be excellent in the decathlon or something.