In a staggering outburst earlier today Newsbiscuit contributor, Duff, has hit out at what he sees as blatant cronyism and the wholesale formation of little cliques all over the popular online satirical news site.
Visibly shaking he told The Star, “That place is a joke! I decided to give them a taste of my comedy gold only to get blanked by a hardcore of writers whose job it seems to be to massage one another’s egos whilst blowing smoke up arses left right and centre. It’s pathetic.”
Duff, a self-styled comedy genius, isn’t of course the first to level these kind of allegations but is adamant that he’s determined to keep making them no matter how unpopular it may make him with his peers on the site.
He goes on to mention some specific gripes. “I gave them this cracking piece the other day, comedy dynamite it was, but how many stars do you think it got? Bloody none! That’s how many. Bloody well ignored it was if you can believe that. And on a more general level not so much as one of them on there has yet had the decency, on any of my work mind, to leave a comment along the lines of, Hey Duff, nice sub mate. This site was going down the toilet until you popped up to save it. Cheers pal. I was gonna delete my membership but now since you’ve started subbing I’m sticking around.”
Duff’s Mum perhaps can give an insight into the psychology of the man. She explains, “Even as a child Duff loved attention. He wanted his own way all the time and was always looking for praise, and if he couldn’t get it then he just used to cop the hump and sulk. So I guess nothing much has changed really. The child is the father of the man.”
Duff is understood to have PM’d the Editor threatening to leave the site and is even now believed to be drafting his resignation post should he not be awarded his first front page in the next few days.
“Two bloody News in Briefs is all I’ve had so far! Just two! Well it’s not bloody good enough for someone of my colossal abilities and I will quit this site. I bloody well mean it, make no mistake about it” he ranted, adding, “And after I’m gone I certainly won’t keep watching my resignation posting and continually keep getting drawn back in leaving a succession of extra final-final-final comments and signing off each one with 'and this time I really am going. Goodbye!' I wouldn't dream of being so naff. No way José, when Duff quits he quits once and once only!”
In response to the furore Newsbiscuit has released the following statement: It is not within our editorial policy to get involved in writer grievances, but suffice it to say the likes of Duff come and go on sites like this all the time. He’s welcome to stay if he likes or if he wants to go then that is his own decision. But really, and in all honesty, we couldn't give two shiny shites.