In a groundbreaking effort to raise literacy levels, Minister for Education Michael Gove has announced “The Alphabet Tour” for this Autumn. An eclectic mix of artists, including ABC, D-Ream, JLS, U2, X and ZZ Top, will appear at schools, academies and O2 arenas throughout the UK. It is hoped that learning to spell the acts’ names will help to convince young people that literacy is cool. There will be “rigorous” tests at the end of each concert.
Hoping to have the same effect on political apathy, ministerial colleagues of Gove will also be part of the show. Culture Minister Jeremy Hunt is to demonstrate his graffiti skills on a wall specially built at each venue by a group of jobseeking volunteers, while Perversity, the street dancing crew of William Hague, Ian Duncan Smith and Kenneth Clarke - (“Louise Mensch came up with the name, and it sort of stuck,’ says Clarke) - will hit the stage for the first time outside of the Members’ Bar in the House of Commons.
Gove himself is to be MC for the tour, and freestyled the following as “indicative of the step change we want”:
I’m Michael Gove, you can call me MG
Also an MP at the D of E
I rock the House five days a week
English is the word that I speak.
I’m a cultured kind of guy
I like my food au gratin
Gonna get you speaking Greek
And classical Latin.