International condemnation is mounting after plans to cull up to 5,000 East London cockneys in advance of the 2012 Olympic Games were leaked to the media.
The plans, allegedly authored by Lord Coe himself, involved plans to send vans around the East End to capture and humanely destroy the unwanted pearly kings and queens in the weeks before the opening ceremony.
Although the numbers of London Cockneys in the wild have dwindled in recent years, it is well known that certain areas in the East End have sizeable breeding groups, especially as no culls have been authorised in London since the late 1980s, when Norman Tebbit travelled around the East End at night dispatching them with Thatcher's personal crossbow.
Boris Johnson was said to be furious that the sporting ceremonies could be overshadowed by a bunch of proto-chavs who speak in riddles. "I've had a butcher's at Lord Coe's proposal and completely agree with his plan for ensuring these Richards end up brown bread."