The Confederation Of Benefit Scroungers (COBS) is threatening industrial action if a demand of £500 bonuses for all members to be paid during the Olympics is not met, according to a report on The Mail Online's website.
Speaking earlier today COBS general secretary Ali McNeil said, "We deserve a bonus during this time when our services will be called upon more than usual. Fabricated bile about my members is rarely ever out of the news, and in the eyes of visitors from other countries we're part of the very fabric of what makes this nation of ours so great. But I have to tell you that if we are not granted these well-deserved one-off payments then I will have no alternative but to instruct my members to actively seek employment for the duration of the games."
Lars Nyqvist from Sweden and who has a ticket for the men's 100 metres final told BBC News, "This is terrible. What I love about Britain in particular is reading your tabloid press coverage pillorying and vilifying your many millions of benefit cheats and scroungers. In fact I am hoping to actually see one or two scroungers in real life during my visit as I am a big fan of Shameless. We get it on satellite you see. But where will it leave us if this threat by COBS is carried out and the action goes ahead? I'm seriously thinking of not coming to London during the games at all now. To see feckless scroungers hard at work and contributing to the economy would be robbing me and others of the true quintessential British experience."
Long time benefits recipient and father of sixteen by five different women, Brian Armstrong, speaking from his benefits-funded castle in Belgravia told The Mail Online, "I've been on Job Seeker's, DLA and Income Support now for fifteen years but I'm behind this action; if we don't get what we deserve during the games then I've got a little house clearance job lined up with the brother-in-law. Just short term for a month like. Because at the end of the day we're not looking for special treatment here, we're only asking to be viewed like other groups. That's all."
Quiet man of politics and minister in charge of state handouts, Ian Duncan Smith, told Sky's political editor Adam Boulton, "We will not be held to ransom by this reckless group of cash-grabbing opportunists and will do everything in our power to thwart them in their efforts to find work...err...no...hang on a minute...erm, that didn't quite come out right did it? You see the fact is that as a politician I am so used to adopting the counter position to every issue that I believe it's now totally impossible for me to do anything else. Err...let me have a think and I'll get back to you."