Michael Fish may or may not have been charged with siphoning off the best weather and keeping it for himself. The controversial rainman come witch doctor has been taking advantage of his position to stash away the sunshine for his own enjoyment.
Whilst most people have been cold and wet of recent weeks, Fish has allegedly been:
SITTING in paddling pools
BUILDING sand castles
ENTERING donkey derbys
SCOFFING ice cream.
"I couldn't believe it", said a neighbour yesterday. "I was getting a proper soaking in my garden, but just over the fence the weather was gorgeous, and Fish was just sitting there in his sunglasses drinking Pims!"
David Cameron was reported as saying, "There's no law against it, but its morally wrong. He's let us all down."
It's alleged that Fish has been engaged in such activities since the late 1987 when he inadvertently caused a hurricane by removing the best weather from general consumption so he could have a barbecue.
Police are anxious to point out that at this stage, no other weathermen are under suspicion. "He might feel he's entitled, but Fish will have to learn that probably no-one owns the weather." a police spokesman told us off the record.
An inside source refused to comment.