An icy silence descended on No 10 Downing Street last night after Nick Clegg and David Cameron were unable to reach agreement over the all-important question of ‘Who is better – The Style Council or The Jam?’ – seen as a crucial first test by many voters as to what exactly the fuck constitutes a working government.
The Deputy PM is said to have stormed out of a cabinet meeting after insisting that new boyfriend Cameron had ‘shit for ears’ and that it came as no surprise that his Tory superior had been sucked in by Weller’s neo-bourgeois pretensions, evident on tracks such as ‘Shout To The Top’.
As international monetary sharks circle the British economy, the leaders are refusing to talk about the deficit until one of them admits that The Jam were way better or vice versa and that that is bloody typical and just what he would have expected.
Cocksure Labour pin-up, David Milliband, has branded the new civil partnership a sham claiming that, if they couldn’t forge an agreement over such a fundamental issue as The Style Council versus The Jam Superiority Conundrum, how would they deal with issues of similar importance such as the exact timing of the liquidation of the Brighton ghetto by Nazi death squads and whether the new Trident warheads should be pointy or rounded.
Meanwhile, in an effort to divert attention from the bust-up, Cameron has approved the appointment of Paul Weller as the government’s Music Czar after the singer agreed to a wholesale reworking of his back catalogue in order to eradicate any ‘misguided left wing bullshit’.
A Downing Street spokesman said : ‘These kind of tiffs are to expected in the early stage of any relationship and we are certain both leaders can find common ground in their mutual admiration for Weller’s solo work . Although, Clegg is a fool if he fails to acknowledge the clear musical progression on offer in The Style Council’s ‘You’re The Best Thing’ and the one about the wall falling over.’
Weller has since announced a shift in musical direction in keeping with the appalling new zeitgeist and will release a new single early in June entitled: ‘Single Mothers Claiming Benefit – What’s That All About?’