A tearful Aung San Suu Kyi has revealed how moved she was to finally get the chance to meet U2’s frontman, Bono. “It was a truly humbling moment” she said, after a brief audience with his Holiness. “To meet a man who has spent so many years trapped behind a pair of big sunglasses, with no way to get his message out other than performing at 80,000 seat arenas and ringing up World Leaders in the middle of dinner…it just shows me how lucky I was to have been under house arrest for the past fifteen years. I mean…what a cock he is!”
Speaking about her recent meeting with other world leaders, Suu Kyi said of Angola Merkal “That woman has a stick up her ass, and no mistake, yet she still shops at Lidl. I should know, I saw the carrier bags poking out of her kitchen cupboard.”. On the subject of the American man who in 2009 swam across a lake to her house, she said “What a total tosser! I had to do time for that. What kind of house arrest by a military Junta is it when some Yank Stalker can just paddle over a lake and pop up like Jack Nicholson in The Shining? That was lax security. Now I’m hiring my own bouncers, and if you are not on the list, you are not commin’ in”.
Now aged 67, Suu Kyi has recently been in negotiations with the BBC to star in the Christmas special of “Grumpy Old Women”, where she will be up alongside Arabella Weir and Germaine Greer complaining about the queue at Aldi , with a side swipe at the Marks and Spencer returns policy.