Fresh from his success in persuading the EU to outlaw the discarding of dead fish, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall has pledged to bring about the end of the discarding of once popular celebrity chefs.
“It’s an appalling waste” he said speaking from his River Café restaurant. “Every year television hoovers up chefs indiscriminately but only use the freshest tastiest ones in their studio kitchens. For something like a Lorraine Pascale or a Rachel Khoo they’ll take their quota and use every last morsel, often stripping it down to the bones.”
“But the discard of older, less popular species like a Gordon Ramsay, an Antony Worrall-Thompson or that shoal of hairy arsed bikers is a disgrace. They’re tossed away with nothing but celebrity reality shows to swim for. Species like them, and me, have just as much right to be dragged ashore and given a juicy recording contract and book tie-in.”
EU celebrity chef stocks spokesman Gerald Haydock agreed. “The perennial over fishing of hot young chefs will inevitably lead to a long term decline in the species unless we take action. Already young fry such as that Scottish girl with her school dinners thing are being landed and brought to television before they reach maturity.”
Haydock urged viewers to play their part by appreciating what tough older species can bring to the table. “With a bit of thinking you can still get a good meal idea from a Delia, a Nigella or a Fanny Craddock. Indeed, a splash of olive oil can work wonders in freshening up old Fanny.”