David Cameron has announced today that he has changed his change of mind over the sovereignty of the brave Falkland Islands, after the brutal attack of Argentinean David Nalbandian on linesman Andrew McDougall during a game of tennis.
Prime Minister Cameron has revealed that, while in no way recognising the legitimacy of Argentinean claims on the islands, in the interests of world peace and as a gesture of goodwill, he had reluctantly come round to the decision to cede the Falklands to its South American neighbour. Indeed, he was about to phone the Argentinean President, Cristina de Kirchner, as soon as the tennis match he was watching on television had finished.
“I was disgusted” Said Mr Cameron, still trembling slightly from rage and shock, “to see that Argentinean thug, just because he lost a point to his opponent, aim a brutal kick at the linesman’s head when he was looking the other way. Quite frankly a perfect illustration of the treatment the islanders could expect if they were ruled from Buenos Aires. It was only by dint of good fortune and the kind of incompetence they displayed in the war of 1928 that the kick missed and hit Mr McDougall’s leg. It just goes to show, though, doesn’t it!”
Instead of talks to hand over the islands the British garrison there has now been placed on a war footing with shin pads issued to all front-line troops.
The victim of unprovoked aggression, Mr Andrew McDougall, says he has always felt a great affinity towards the Falkland Islanders. Though he’s never been there he has a cousin called Stanley and says he often dreams of spending his twilight years lazing on the sun kissed beaches or snorkelling with the penguins.
Meanwhile Mr McDougall has become a hero among the population of this far flung British outpost and has been awarded the community’s highest award for gallantry: 100 ordinary shares in Falklands Oil and Gas.