Forum

The NewsBiscuit Community

Sign up or log in - lost password?

Username
Password

Remember me

Quick links: NewsBiscuit Home • Chat Room • Writers' Room • Top Ten

1. 

   beau-jolly
   

   offline

   Member

   Not being morbid or expecting to need this anytime soon but have you ever concidered what you would like your last words to be?
   The sad likelihood is that most people's last words are likely to be, "Nurse" it's happening again!"

   Posted 1 year ago #
2. 

   cinquecento
   

   offline

   Member

   "Cheryl, go a bit faster"

   Posted 1 year ago #
3. 

   seymour totti
   

   offline

   Member

   "I thought you picked up the parachute!"

   Posted 1 year ago #
4. 

   God
   

   offline

   Member

   "oh my me!"

   Posted 1 year ago #
5. 

   Tomfinger
   

   offline

   Blocked

   "Never felt better, thanks for asking."

   Posted 1 year ago #
6. 

   Scronnyglonkle
   

   offline

   Member

   Matt (my son) you are adopted and I have left all my money to golf club, should have picked me a better home

   Posted 1 year ago #
7. 

   Nails UK
   

   offline

   Member

   "Is it getting warmer in here or is it just me?"

   Posted 1 year ago #
8. 

   beau-jolly
   

   offline

   Member

   Blimee luv, you could smother a man with those enormous...Mmmmmppphh!

   Posted 1 year ago #
9. 

   button
   

   offline

   Member

   What do you mean delete button...

   Posted 1 year ago #
10. 

    bonjonelson
    

    offline

    Member

    "no, cut the red wire"

    Posted 1 year ago #
11. 

    Haywood Manley
    

    offline

    Member

    What the hell was that all about?

    Posted 1 year ago #
12. 

    Duff
    

    offline

    Member

    Not mine but from the pen(s) of Clement and La Frenais and spoken by Terry in the Likely Lads film.

    None the bloody wiser.

    Posted 1 year ago #
13. 

    dvo4fun
    

    offline

    Member

    "A Jet Powered Skateboard? I'm up for that! Oh, where's the 'off' swiiiitch .........?"

    Posted 1 year ago #
14. 

    dvo4fun
    

    offline

    Member

    While you're down there Mrs Merkel ...

    Posted 1 year ago #
15. 

    riesler
    

    offline

    Member

    Bugger, my wine rack's empty!

    Posted 1 year ago #
16. 

    Not Amused
    

    online

    Member

    I see a light ... its .. yes ! .. the flying spahetti monster !

    Posted 1 year ago #
17. 

    Very Little Else
    

    offline

    Member

    Don't worry about me, I'm fi...

    Posted 1 year ago #
18. 

    Ironduke
    

    offline

    Member

    'You can use my Royal Telegram to wipe your sister's tits clean'

    Posted 1 year ago #
19. 

    Gerontius
    

    offline

    Member

    I'm just popping down to Shaftesbury Wines.
    I've been having everything on tick for the last five years and I owe them an absolute fortune.
    I've got the cash in this ruck-sack.........
    KERPLUNK

    Posted 1 year ago #
20. 

    writinginbsl
    

    offline

    Member

    Shes stopped tidying up now.

    or

    no i cant. im busy

    Posted 1 year ago #
21. 

    Sinnick
    

    offline

    Member

    So long, and thanks for all the chips

    Posted 1 year ago #
22. 

    Thor
    

    offline

    Member

    Don’t worry, bears hibernate in the winter...

    Posted 1 year ago #
23. 

    bonjonelson
    

    offline

    Member

    "Yes, your bum does look big in that"

    Posted 1 year ago #
24. 

    Gerontius
    

    offline

    Member

    'Are we there yet'
    (day trip to Beachy Head with the kids)

    Posted 1 year ago #
25. 

    rustytruss
    

    offline

    Member

    "Same again barman"

    Posted 1 year ago #
26. 

    The All New Jeni B
    

    offline

    Member

    Put that pillow down!

    Posted 1 year ago #
27. 

    seymour totti
    

    offline

    Member

    "Go on then! I dare you."

    Posted 1 year ago #
28. 

    Al OPecia
    

    offline

    Member

    My God, I've got a FP.........

    Posted 1 year ago #
29. 

    Psycadelic Squirrel
    

    offline

    Member

    That brightly coloured snake would look nice draped around my neck...

    Posted 1 year ago #
30. 

    Scronnyglonkle
    

    offline

    Member

    I'm telling you son Dignitas is an unusual for a swiss challet

    Posted 1 year ago #

RSS feed for this topic

Reply »

You must log in to post.