It's sad to see you're not well at the moment. What's wrong? Have we done something to upset you? It's not like you're ignored; most conversations mention you at some point. OK, it may not be in the most glowing terms but at least we don't take you for granted like all those Mediterranean countries. And let's be fair, you do get your own back each year over Wimbledon fortnight.
The rest of world is talking about global warming. The ice caps are melting, deserts are expanding, old people are thinking about taking off their vests. Why is it we have to put up with "climate change"? Why can't we have a bit of warming as well? Not too much; just from May through to the end of September, then a week in October when the schools are off. We'll let you know the dates in advance. Please also note we have now moved over to the Celsius scale. We would like temperatures in the mid 30's, but we are not talking Fahrenheit.
I wonder if you misheard us talking about the financial crisis. When we said everything was falling at the moment, we meant the stock markets, not your barometric pressure! Oh, and this business with the use of "hoes". We did not, I repeat did NOT, say "hose". It is an Americanism, saying that ladies should not need to wear tights at this time of year, not a prompt for you to give us more water. Enough already!
As a nation, we have quite a lot on at the moment and would really appreciate your help. The Queen's river pageant was a close run thing and nearly overflowed, leading to boats heading up Oxford Street. The music festival season is almost here and we are using a lot of electrical equipment that doesn't cope with the rain very well. We've also got the Olympics coming up. We haven't had those for over 60 years and it won't look great seeing Usain Bolt running in a cagoule.
So, dearest weather, we do hope you pick up some time soon. If not, can you at least head a little to the South and irritate the French.
With regards that are warmer than you at the moment,
The Great British Public.