Stephen Fry is spearheading a new campaign to return the Elgin Marbles to Greece. However, knowing that this will not receive much popular support, he is keen on forcing the Greeks to take a few other unwanted items at the same time.
"At the moment, we are looking at a package of Prince Philip, George Michael and Peter Andre", said Fry. "We also want to arrange a timeshare swap where we get Corfu for a fortnight each August and the Greeks get two weeks in Shanklin. We have other options on the back burner at the moment with anyone who looks a bit Greek or who matches their national ethos. This includes Joe Dolce, anyone who's been on an 18-30 holiday and Ken Dodd. I know Doddy is British, but he isn't too keen on paying his taxes. How much more Greek can you get than that!"