The Church of England has warned that members of the public attempting to live in the modern world could have a detrimental effect on a ‘vastly important’ institution; namely the Church of England, and that people rejecting archaic and outdated values are putting themselves and others at risk.
‘Gay marriage, tolerance and people thinking for themselves will set society on the road to ruin, just as surely as not going to church on a Sunday will. It would be much better for us, sorry, for society, if we went back a couple of hundred years to a state of mass ignorance. Where people routinely gave a large portion of their earnings to the church, and everybody turned to us for advice on all the huge number of things they didn’t understand.’ claimed a church official.
‘And don’t pay too much attention to science either, just listen to the man in the dress who’s telling you what the all-knowing man in the sky would want you to do. Then give him some money.’