The recent Spanish banks bailout has yet again put the future of the Euro in doubt. It is understood that Whitehall has been working secretly in recent weeks on a plan to take the UK out of the metric system. Chancellor Osborne is said to have made the following remarks at a meeting in Davos whilst he was pretending to be at home in England.
Osborne, who it is believed had had a demi-litre or two before the meeting showed his concern about things metric saying “If the Euro collapses it could bring down the kilogramme, the bar and the litre with it. In fact anything with a metric prefix could fall victim to a breakup of the Eurozone.”
“Never have been happy with all this metric stuff, me. The British general public have just not taken to it either. Take inflation for example.” said Osborne “Inflation is a major concern. We British have never been comfortable setting our tyre pressures using 'bars'? Anyway, driving and bars just don't go together. It's meaningless to most of us who are used to the good old 'pound per square inch', the psi. 30 pounds per square inch sounds a lot safer than just 2 and a bit bars.”
“As for the metre, it's not a natural length anyway. When you are measuring your room for carpet you step it out in yards you don't mince it out in metres.”
“The pound and the stone, the hundredweight and the ton, they just convey weight the way it should be. Whoever heard of someone saying 'she would be better if she just lost a half-to-one-kilo or two.'”
“'I'm off down the pub for a half litre' would make you think someone had gone for petrol.”
At this point Osborne's remarks became unintelligible as he had had one over the ten.
An unnamed DTI expert believes the UK is not alone in seeking to leave the metric system. He said “Our continental partners didn't always use the metric system. You only have to look at Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice to see that continental tradespeople were using the pound long ago to measure flesh. We believe we can work with the Italians to get back to weighing things properly. Our best Weights and Measures people are giving it every ounce of their strength and will go that extra mile to restore our traditional units”
Osborne's remarks, which he denies saying in a meeting he never had, have caused ripples in the markets.
When markets stalls closed the pound remained firm at 2.2 per kilogramme despite heavy selling.