Fans of extreme BDSM were in shock following the release of disturbing new pictures from the Cuban base showing nothing more interesting than occasional mild shackling.
“The widespread humane treatment of the guests bought tears to my eyes” said Dave Rickard, a part-time dungeon slave from Islington. “Where are the human pyramids, dog collars and leads, water boarding, and the continuous loop of country and western songs? If all they can offer is ‘computer studies’ while being shackled to the floor, patronage will dry up – in the old days they would plug the guests into the socket, not the computer."
Rickard says he has taken the matter up with his MP: “He was all choked up when I told him. Once he took the orange out of his mouth and got his breath back, he said he was confident the matter would have a sympathetic hearing in Westminster.”
Guantanamo Bay base commander General Ford refused to comment other than saying allegations of humane treatment were a ‘media beat up’.