The Coalition is intending to implement new legislation in relation to one of the nation's best-loved signature dishes - The Full English. And if the changes are green-lighted, then from July 2013 it will become illegal to sell fry-ups anywhere in the UK.
Minister for Food, Caroline Spelman, speaking on the panel of BBC's Question Time commented, "It has long been known that the Full English is a heart attack on a plate. It has very little in the way of nutritional value and there is significant research showing it to cause high blood pressure, dangerous levels of cholesterol and it's also strongly suspected of causing the Mumps too."
When pressed by David Dimbleby to give the government's rationale behind the move, Mrs Spelman added, "It really was a no-brainer in the end. To demonstrate our caring credentials, and to ease the pressure on the Health Service, we had to decide whether we should ban fry-ups or fags, and since the exchequor benefits very little by way of duty on fry-ups, hardly a sausage in fact, then it made good sense to ban them and let fags continue to kill people as they do currently. These are tough decisions for tough times of course, but at least we make shed loads more on fag duty...so duh! Like, go figure."
Meanwhile the Association of British Sausage Makers is intending to fight the government tooth, nail, eyelid and spleen on the issue. Speaking from an intensive-care bed in the Cardiac Arrest Unit at St Mary's Paddington, its Chairman, Peter "Piggy" Carstairs, said, "Look this is ridiculous. I've had a Full English almost every day of adult my life and it's never done me any har......"