The continuing debt and currency crisis wracking Greece appears to have been solved this week with the sale of the Greek alphabet to Apple. Western countries have long been baffled by Greece's steadfast refusal to come into the modern era and use the Latin alphabet, unlike neighbour Turkey, which converted in the 1920s. However it appears there was method in their madness.
Cambridge Greek language professor Donald Hartigan takes up the story: "While Greece has been struggling for years with debt it seems that all along they had a get-out clause buried in their history. Recent excavations near the Parthenon have uncovered ancient tablets which detail the patenting of the Greek alphabet so it can only be used by Greeks.
What this means is that everyone who has ever used pi to work out the area of a circle owes Greece a licensing fee. The same goes for beta-testers of software, Delta Airlines, American college fraternities, everything from alpha males to the Omega Man."
Now with the sale of this patent to technology and world domination leader Apple, the Greek debt crisis may be quickly solved. "Of course Greece wasn't going to be able to screw that money out of all those users so the win-win for them was to sell it to a company who really knew how to get blood from a stone in terms of licensing fees." Apple plans on calling the new money making venture 'iOta' with an emphasis on the "I-owe" so each time a Greek letter is used a 99c fee is debited.
In a like-minded move Italy is planning on a lawsuit against Hollywood to recover fees for the unlicensed use of the Roman numerals to date its movies.