'The queues were short, but the actual events were a bit disappointing, to be perfectly honest.' John Terry has given his verdict on his visit to Poland's biggest tourist attraction, the Auschwitz theme park. 'As a celebrity,' added Terry, 'I don't expect to have to wait in line anyway, so to be quite honest, I don't think I will be going back. It might be alright for ordinary people though.'
Terry was with the England squad for what PR advisors describe as a humbling opportunity - an event where celebrities can be seen by the public to be putting everything in perspective. Humbling is On Trend among celebrities and the media advisors. It's a great way to market your core brand values for a small investment of time. A whistlestop tour of someone else's grief can be completed in 60 minutes and leaves no emotional aftermath - but it creates a legacy of great photo that will be immortalised in cyber space.
'Mother Teresa spent fucking years with that whole Helping the Poor thing that she did. These days, a celebrity with a smart digital marketing team can blow her out of the water. Legends don't last long in the fast moving digital celebrity economy,' said Mickey Parsons, of HardWired magazine, which asked Terry to review the Polish theme park.
Terry said he had one or two other niggling doubts about the trip, but he didn't want to spoil the event. "These events are all about the kids. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining or nuffink, but they didn't give me a goody bag when I was leaving. The organisers need to sort it out. But I wont say anything as I'm here as an ambassador for the game. Sometimes, you just have to play though an injury, as we say in football."
A spokesman for Terry later said his words had been mistyped, and that he was immensely humbled by the Auschwiitz visit and plans to go back. Meanwhile, he intends to play the online game on his iPhone.