Cheryl Cole's fame may be of questionable merit to many members of the intellectual community, but that may change after her recent visit to Somalia, where in mere moments she raised living standards, morale and the nation's international profile by holding an event at Mogadishu's central stadium where she flashed her tits.
"Get 'Em Out For Africa", as her campaign is called, asks celebrities to travel to the beleaguered continent and release the twins. (Unfortunately, only Phil Jupitus has signed on so far, and the charity is hoping to use a possible appearance by Jupitus as a deterrant to Iran.)
Quality of life in Somalia jumped up 20% after Cole's actions and is now ahead of many Western nations, where Cole's lovely jubblies have never been publicly displayed at all.
At the stadium event, Cole responded to chants of "Show us your growler" with "Only if you met the Millenium Development Goals" which has resulted in a huge groundswell in farming and education infrastructure development.
In related news, the Make A Wish foundation which grants the wishes of terminally ill youths, has gamely agreed to help 18 year old Michael Todd fulfill his goal of doing Kylie Minogue "in the bum". So far this goal has not been reached. The nearest they came was getting Simon Cowell to agree to phone her and see if she was keen, but he never got back to the foundation, though he still took their 50p.