A team of researchers at the University of Hertfordshire have finally succeeded in creating the world's first meat based vegetables.
The project was undertaken as a means to combat food shortages caused by climate change in heavily drought scorched areas such as Ethiopia, Tanzania and Kent.
'Low rainfall in these areas has led to crop failure over many years' said head of the Bovine Brassica reasearch team, Dr Ernest Browning.
'We thought that while plants fail in such arid conditions, animals can actually move about to find sustainance, so we reversed the vegan logic of making meat substitutes from nuts, mushrooms and other tasteless shit, and decided to develop vegetables that could walk about and be herded, milked and ultimately slaughtered to feed the starving populations'.
It took 4 years of hard study and hundreds of hours of lab time to successfully develop the first piglet seeds. From this success, the genetic processes were honed until a full range of vegetable substitutes were developed to meet every eventuality.
'We've got a full range now' continued Dr Browning. 'We've got beef cabbage, lamb tomatoes, Ox brain cauliflower and the most enormous donkey carrots you could ever imagine. They even come with their own butter sauce'.
But not everyone is happy with the results of the project. GM protesters have been a problem, even breaking into the labs at one stage and releasing 150 half grown turkey sprouts into a local park, which terrified local children and stank out the area for days.
However, field trials now are under way and Oxfam has pledged to send the first shipments of liver spinach and lungweed out to the parched plains of Chelmsford in Essex, next month.
In the meantime Dr Browning and his colleagues are enjoying their new found fame, while batting off suggestions from conventional nutritionists, that the whole concept of meat based vegetation is just a load of horse's arsegravy.