Despite public shows of unity, Tory cabinet members are secretly 'fagging' their Lib Dem colleagues, senior party sources reveal today.
Far from being given genuine positions of responsibility, the Lib Dems are shining shoes, making tea, running errands and performing miscellaneous sexual favours for their Tory counterparts.
'We can't let these Westminster boys think they've had an education,' said a senior Tory minister. 'They'll learn their place through a process of subservient obedience and marginally consensual sexual activity.'