Amateur stargazers and top astronomers alike are said to be amazed following a sensational once in a lifetime occurrence earlier today, when reports started to surface from the world's top monitoring facilities that a white Ford Transit Van had been observed on the surface of the Sun.
It's strongly suspected the van - Reg HGT 432 S with "I wish my Mrs was as dirty as this van" scrawled across its back doors - is a piece of the much talked about space debris that's littering our skies everywhere; in locations as far apart as St Austell and South Uist.
Prof. Barney Lingholm explains. "Well there's so much junk and detritus up there; stuff that we've dumped following various space missions and experiments and so forth, that it was only a matter of time before something like this happened."
And it's an ill wind, because The London Borough of Camden has laid claim to the Sun, insisting that the massive gaseous ball is closest to them, and that therefore it falls within the Borough's boundaries. The parking department, with the help of NASA scientists, is believed to be assembling a team of Astro-Wardens who will travel to our life-sustaining celestial neighbour to issue the offending van with a ticket for parking in contravention of the relevant bye-law.
Spokesman, Neville Richmond, says, "We see it as our duty to issue a fixed penalty notice. It sends a message to others who may think they can park just anywhere they fancy. But with The Olympics coming up it's vitally important that, for the sake of all our visitors, we keep things moving. So when this driver gets back to their van they'll be in for a nasty shock. We intend to throw the book at them."
Just how the van got there remains a mystery, but unconfirmed reports have pointed the finger of suspicion at rogue waste disposal contractor, Reg Trinder from Tonbridge Wells in Kent. Readers may remember that he was the target of a sting operation, set up by Matt Allwright, the blokey presenter of the BBC's popular consumer affairs programme, Watchdog. Trinder was "named and shamed" by Allwright in September 2007, as having been the mastermind behind the illegal dumping of a specially micro-chipped settee in a lay-by just off the A23.
So far all attempts to contact Mr. Trinder have came to nothing as his phone has been ringing out continually.
