The Queen's Jubilee Reporting Committee has gotten hold of material showing Her Majesty in a heated confrontation with Gary Barlow, the man put in charge of organising the entire shambles of a charade hitherto referred to as The Jubilee Concert.
We were shown camera phone footage of the Queen clearly berating the crumpled figure of Barlow half an hour before "kick-off", and sources (whose identity we are forbidden to reveal due to ongoing inquiries) close to royalty suggest a clear link between this and a Coldplay gig earlier in the day.
The Monarch was also spotted by passer-bys at the Emirates venue prior to her Diamond Celebration with tickets in hand, attempting to fob them to luckless Coldplay fans, adding weight to the above hypothesis.
Even Prince Charles was seen trying out his sales-patter after confessing earlier this month to being a fan of The Apprentice and wishing to eventually appear on a celebrity version of the show if the opportunity arises. I just hope he has a better business plan than ticket touting.
Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay, was later asked for his opinion on the incident.
"I was told prior to the gig that she was coming but I guess something else came up. I don't mind. Her loss." - laughed unshaven Martin.
A gravelly-voiced member of now-defunct band Wings was also present but seemed too distracted by a French flag the size of a house to leave a comment with our journalists.
Incidentally, the Duke of Edinburgh still could not decide whether to see a moaning, pseudo-rock concert of lights or Coldplay, so sat at home watching neither under the pretense of illness.
Barlow meanwhile, issued no statement in regards to the video and remained fixated by the firework display.