The Queen admits to being “thrilled” at her selection as coxswain for the Great Britain women’s rowing eight on the back of an awesome recent performance down the Thames where she led a boat to beat 1,000 competitors.
Great Britain Rowing’s chief selector, Adrian Plumb, who was coincidently knighted yesterday, said it was particularly impressive how the Queen harnessed a previously dysfunctional crew with a low work ethic: “To get that lot all facing the same direction and waving at 43 times a minute was a majestic performance. Plus this protocol thing about all other crews having to stay behind royalty could be handy come August.”
The Queen was introduced to her new team mates at a training camp on Monday: “She insisted on being treated like all the other girls” said June Richards. “So we threw her into the river as initiation and she quipped that she has changed her mind and wanted to be treated like royalty! We had a comeback for that one too as we nicked her phone and texted a photo of her soaking wet to the Sun with a caption saying ‘looking forward to those free condoms at the Olympics!’ Who even knew there was a 3 x 3 prison cell in the tower at Windsor Castle?”
After the morning’s high jinks, the crew settled into some high quality repetitions down the Thames: “We laughed as the Queen kept remarking it was just like opening shopping malls as she rhythmically illustrated a scissor motion with her fingers over and over again. And then she listed them all, in geographical order! We have never sprinted home so fast!” enthused Lucy Pickles.
Such is the Queen’s dedication to preparing for her new role, she has even taken to practising at home: “It is just like the old days with shouts of ‘faster Philip, faster’ coming from her bedroom. But going for 40 strokes a minute was perhaps unrealistic as they called for a cup of tea and a defibrillator” said a Palace source.
Ladbrokes spokesman, Harry Goff, said the news of the quality training has seen the odds of “God Save the Queen” being played at the final of the women’s eights plummeting: “Punters realise it is a two way bet – either the Great Britain team could win or boat race protester Trenton Oldfield could sink the boat.”