Buckingham and Lambeth Palaces have presented a united front over the near-immolation of Stephen Wallace, the chubby Deacon of St Paul's Cathedral, at the Jubilee Concert yesterday. The Queen apparently mis-read her instructions to light the large Beacon.
“It’s actually a relief for Her Majesty that this dyslexia issue is finally out in the open” said her Press Secretary this morning “If it plays well in the media, she may even consider announcing something ‘a little unexpected’ about her sexuality. That microphone's not turned on is it?”
“Stephen must bear some responsibility for the situation, as his blue Clerical Sash looked suspiciously like blue touch paper in the halogen spotlights, so he’s really only got himself to blame” said Archbishop Rowan Williams, dismissing suggestions that a criminal investigation might follow. “As Supreme Governor of the Church of England the Queen has to right to fire any of the clergy that she wishes.”