86-year-old Elizabeth Windsor today marked the passing of her 60th year in a dead-end job that she has held since 1952 and which affords her no real responsibility, no prospects of progression and absolutely no sense of fulfilment.
'If one is honest, it has been soul destroying,' she said today as her employers compelled her to take part in celebrations that only served to underline her servitude. 'It has been 60 years of long hours and menial work. Sometimes one can spend all day on one's feet, and one can't remember the last time one had a day off. It would be nice to do something else with one's life, but at 86 one rather feels the chance has gone – and of course such opportunities are only available to the privileged few.'
Despite a lifetime of work that is low-skilled, repetitious and devoid of the spontaneous challenges that can arise in other walks of life such as bricklaying, Elizabeth has always sought to look on the bright side. 'Admittedly there have been lots of opportunities to travel, but when each trip involves the same banal small-talk with dignitaries, the endless smiling and shaking of hands and the patronising approval for the amateurish efforts of schoolchildren, one can quickly tire of life's burden.'
But Elizabeth's greatest concern is that her undesirable lot in life should also become her children's. 'The denial of prospects for advancement creates a breeding ground for social immobility that unavoidably passes from one generation to the next. Lack of opportunity is hereditary. So although one had no choice but to follow in the footsteps of one's father, and of one's grandfather before that, one hopes that one's children can be spared this fate.'
'That is why one refuses to die and let one's offspring inherit the family business,' she continued. 'This has forced them to make their own way in life, and it has been a success. In fact one's eldest, Charles, has also just marked 60 years in his chosen profession of queuing.'