I a suprise move George Osborne announced today that the Royal Family will be disbanded and their duties out-sourced to the lowest bidder operating out of Bangalore. There will be a move of all Head of State business in a phased programme over the next few months.
"There will be an out-of-hours 'Duty Queen' drawn from a pool of operatives currently undergoing intensive training run by Harrods", continued the Chancellor "who will practice such phrases as 'how do you do', 'have you come far?' and 'pass the port'. Prince Philips role has been let as a separate sub-contract to the London Hackney Carriage Office.
Most of the Royals will be found new jobs through internships and placement programmes, and will be guaranteed an "Enterprise Allowance". The Royal Palaces will revert to their original purpose, and converted to prisons.
"We just felt that the timing was right, during a quiet period for the Royals", finished Osborne "and won't be changing our minds on this one next week."