The world's first automotive fuel to have a testosterone additive will go on sale on British forecourts this Autumn. "This isn't just a gimmick," said Mike Adams of the Fuel Retailers Association. "Tests show that tiny amounts of the male hormone in unleaded fuel does improve power and performance, particularly of red sports cars."
Jeremy Clarkson is thought to be central to the new fuel's planned publicity campaign. "It appeals to every red blooded male's psyche" he told motoring journalists. "It isn't just about thrusting acceleration, it's about how sexy fast cars are. Show me a man who hasn't at one time or another considered ejaculating into a beautiful car's petrol hole, and I'll show you a picture of Rebekah Brooks in handcuffs. In fact I'll show you a picture of Rebekah Brooks in handcuffs anyway! Look!"