Poundland win lucrative MOD Defence Contract
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Some content.Posted 4 years ago #
Poundland has unexpectedly been awarded a Ministry of Defence equipment supply contract, it was revealed today. Though BAE Systems was seen as the most likely contract-winner following its considerable history of making things that go BAAANGGG and RATATATATATATATATATAT and KABOOM and make people die regardless of combatant/non-combatant status, Poundland was seemingly selected to counter growing imaginary pressure to cut the defence budget.
'We're very pleased to have won this contract' said Poundland chairman Colin Smith. 'Poundland has a long and illustrious history of bringing you the very best products that can be manufactured for under £1 and still have a significant profit margin, and we believe that we can equip our troops with everything they need, especially if what they need is Little Princess make-up sets, packets of sweets, live ammunition, kitchen roll, rocket-propelled grenades, assault rifles, unusually large amounts of batteries and cassette-tape to headphone jack car conversion kits, which we all already produced anyway.'
Safety concerns, however, are rife. Sgt. Corporal Major Lieutenant Briggs who has never seen a war zone in his life said earlier today; 'This is absurd! Using equipment from Poundland just is not safe! My troops are used to SHODDY! Upon delivery of Poundland munitions, there will be rioting at the opportunity to use such high-class quality merchandise. I don't like the sound of those make-up kits either. Sodomy is for the Navy.' His aide and shoe-polisher gesticulated apologetically in the background.
BAE Systems' CEO, Ian King sent a 'press release' made of letters cut from newspapers saying nothing but 'Small Dice. We got other contracts.'
Highly amusingly, the Chairman of 99p Stores, a rival brand to Poundland, is called Gordon Brown!Posted 4 years ago #
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