Following on from the success of his ‘Boris Bikes’ scheme, London Mayor Boris Johnson today announced a new system of ‘Boris Fags’ to rolled out across the capital.
Inspired by the public school tradition of younger pupils ‘fagging’ for older boys the new scheme will see up to 5000 first years located at a number of ‘Oik Stations’ at various locations in the city.
Members of the scheme can then hire out fags and use them to carry out small tasks such as running errands, stealing tuck and propping up an outdated system of class and privilege in the UK.
The cost will be just £1 per day for users and a mere lifetime of authority complexes and sexual dysfunction for the fags.
At the press conference in Southwark to announce the scheme, Mr Johnson reacted angrily to suggestions that fagging was a cruel and outdated practice.
‘Absolute piffle’ said Mr Johnson. ‘I spent two years as a fag at Eton for an older, blonder boy and I’ve turned out perfectly normal.’