There has been an outcry from skiving workers all over Britain as doctors took the unprecedented step of refusing to supply medical certificates as part of their campaign to retain pension benefits.
Basingstoke Council employee Barry Jenkins summed up the gloomy mood as he turned up for work on Monday and Tuesday for the first time in 33 years: “I have a routine where every Monday morning I leave a small cough on the doctor’s answerphone and he emails me a certificate which I forward onto HR. The fact that I can no longer avail myself of this basic service leaves me literally sick to the stomach – which I also can’t get a sick note for.”
London insurance clerk Sara Lloyd was also downcast as she contemplated being at work on the Friday before the Bank Holiday for the first time ever: “My doctor’s 10 years of medical training and my low-cut top allowed him to diagnose ‘bankholaphobia’ – the fear of travelling with the masses on Friday afternoon. Now I’ll just have to stay put this Diamond Jubilee weekend with nothing to do apart from a quiet walk beside the Thames.”
Watchdog group “What’s up Doc?” condemned the doctor’s action saying they should have stuck with traditional forms of patient irritation such as making people queue in the waiting room while they chat up the receptionist, using legible handwriting for prescriptions for embarrassing medicines, and cancelling small operations on a whim.
Somewhat surprisingly, most employers are also opposed to the doctor’s campaign with Confederation of British Industry spokesman Lane Mitchell noting: “Members electricity and broadband bills have spiked on Mondays and Fridays while productivity has stayed the same, which is mildly annoying. But the real problem is that without the protection of a bland medical certificate to rely on, bosses are for the first time being confronted with a detailed explanation of what ‘women’s issues’ really entails.”
A nationwide counter-protest against the doctor’s non-provision of sick notes is planned for this Saturday at midday. Discontented workers are being encouraged to march from their bedrooms to their living rooms and then go onto the campaign Facebook page and click “like” on a picture of a doctor with a 9 iron photo-shopped to his rear end. “If I have the energy, I might even leave a comment” said Barry Jenkins.